16 February 2011

CLAYHEADS

Oh god, we have to go to Stoke at the weekend.  Football aside, we thought we'd give you a run down of some things you should know about the Potteries.

Some of TSLR least favourite celebrities are clayheads.  At 5 we have Phil Taylor (self-assured tubby dartist), at 4 it's Anthea Turner (horrific 90s TV presenter), at number 3 it's Nick Hancock (again, popular in the 90s but now about as relevant as smallpox), in at 2 it's Garth Crooks (we actually quite like him but general consensus rules) and at number 1, it's Neil Morrisey (a right 'weapon').

What else, well, around 32 people out of 1000 will be victims of a violent assualt in Stoke (the national average is 20), there are more BNP councillors than there are Liberal Democrats, Karl Marx referenced some victorian health reports from the area in his book Das Kapital with the local infirmary describing denizens as stunted in growth, ill-shaped and frequently ill-formed, and finally they are known for eating oatcakes (above) which are probably similar to  a crepe in paris, but shite.

It's easy to knock Stoke, but it's alright really.

Hope you all have a nice day, whatever the result, and don't forget to pick up a TSLR on the day as we'll be in attendance too!

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dickhead

Mick (Stoke)

Anonymous said...

Stoke fan here pretty much agree with all but oatcakes are fab!!welcome to Stoke

Anonymous said...

well thanks for that !!! as a stokie, I went to brighton in the 90s to do my defree at the then polytechnic.. I aint gonna be petulant and pull the place down cos i enjoyed my time there, despite being heterosexual ! good luck brighton for your attempt at promotion, but I hope you fall on your arses on saturday...I know I will be protecting my ass.

i am sam said...

like they do on top gear, it's only a joke ...

can we get oatcake fanzines at the ground?

ST5 Casual said...

At least we're not all benders!!!

Alan said...

mmm, pretty poor summary really , probably written by someone who has never even been to the potteries.....so what are we really famous for....errr lets see

making cups, plates, bowls, wcs, whb's, coal, michelin tyres, invention of the spark plug, the maker of the spitfire which by the way won us our freedom, 2nd oldest football team and yes founder members of the football league without us there wouldnt have been a football league........shall i go on .....yes think i will

Alan said...

well we have Royal Doulton, Dudson Ltd, Spode (founded by Josiah Spode), Wedgwood (founded by Josiah Wedgwood) and Minton (founded by Thomas Minton) being born and based there saying we are the finest potters in world is an under statement
With the industry also came a large number of notable ceramic artists including Clarice Cliff, Susie Cooper, Charlotte Rhead, Frederick Hurten Rhead and Jabez Vodrey.

Primitive Methodism was founded by Hugh Bourne, a native of Stoke,


The city's world-class ceramics collection is in the Potteries Museum & Art Gallery. The city's past can also be explored in Etruria Industrial Museum, the Elizabethan Ford Green Hall, Gladstone Pottery Museum (an Anchor Point of ERIH, The European Route of Industrial Heritage) and the newly opened Ceramica in Burslem.

Trentham Gardens is in the south of the city and a £100 million refurbishment was completed in 2005. Next door is Trentham Monkey Forest, which houses 140 Barbary Macaques in a 60-acre enclosure , then of course we have Alton towers ....


blah blah blah.....sir stanley matthews was a stokie, as is mark bright, garth as you mentioned, cricketer bob taylor and dominic cork , in snooker we have dave harold , ray reardon, and jamie cope, darts - all the champions - hankey, taylor, bristow, flowers, lewis ...lists are endless

WHAT HAS BRIGHTON GOT - queers, fairytale castle, stoned beach, shit pubs oh and its a good place to smash up on a bank holiday!

CAN YOU COMPETE I DONT THINK SO

Be loyal, be proud be stoke

Anonymous said...

your so gonna get a taste of why us stokies call the brittania stadium a fortress have a nice losing journey home

scfc & proud

Stoke For Ever said...

To be fair most of what you say IS true. It is, though, actually our greatest motivator. We have been shit on , ground down and slagged off for years.

Our resiliance, resolution and passion for our football club is what sets us apart from middle class suburban drabness such as that that you Brighton boys only seem to know.

good luck for the rest of the season - We WILL beat you on saturday

Anonymous said...

Ignore the mongs who can't take a joke. Good luck in the league, BHAFC, but I hope we do you in the cup.

Anonymous said...

Neil Morrissey was an arsonist from Stafford who was sent north by magistrates. It was Stoke's bad luck to have re-educate the tosser.

Martin said...

Why did somebody say something about fortress britannia? That's going to make us look stupid on saturday.

By the way oatcakes are the shizz, must rather have one of them than a bum raping.

Anonymous said...

Both Garth Crooks and Neil Morrisey have turned their backs on us and both are now disowned by us to )))

We can only apologise for Anthea Turner - but she is from the north end of the city which is Port Vale territory!

So those that are coming make sure your boyfriends know where you are XXxx

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christtttttttt,
We know that none of you Guys are Turd Burglars BUT your Boyfriends maybe.Have a good day out- Its rough up North ladies-lol

Anonymous said...

fuckin queer fucks, up the bnp and up the vale

Anonymous said...

the truth is out there

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Smoke-on-Trent

Geoff said...

I cant see anyone from the Queer Aids infected place of Brighton can critisise anyone from Stoke. Brighton is a total dump with nearly every other person being an inbred .
Just an overspill of the slums of London.
I know I live there ...

Anonymous said...

If it wasn't for Reg Mitchell who invented the Spitfire fighter plane you lot would be speaking German and gay,can't think of anything worse other than watching the Vale.

Anonymous said...

Brighton is so good they have built their new stadium out of the city ..... to stop people from visiting Brighton ..... enuff said .... Goaarrrn Stoke