Wow the weather really is perfect for a barbecue with Gus. Welcome to the final in our series of 2011/12 season end of season surveys. Hooray. Once you've finished reading this final blog post about last season, you may enter what here at TSLR Towers term the 'summer'. In fact, we've dragged out these answers longer than Vincelot's rumoured baby's arm. So long, it's basically the new season. Well, we've at least brought you to within touching distance of the European Championships and, subsequently, the publication of the Football League's fixtures on 18 June - the day when we can all start dreaming of visiting Selhurst again.
The final installment for our end of season survey is a silly one (as if we took the rest of it seriously). There have been many many things of brilliance at Falmer this season but two certainly stuck out to us. Firstly, the quality of pie based snacks has been a revelation - Piglet's Pantry have added to the cockiness Albion fans now have. Something Falmer and Buckley's late winners have helped with. Something Albion fans like us always thought we should have. A cockiness beaten out of us by the rain at Withers. Secondly, something else seriously showed us the light this season: his name is Vicente.
As Vicente had just been making mincemeat of Derby's defence at the time, we pondered what Piglet's Pantry should include in a special El Dagger pie. Thanks again to all you fools who wasted your own valuable time in giving us six survey pages in the paper fanzine and a further nine onerously extended survey blog posts. This one was magic. And this is what you gave us...
If Piglet's Pantry were making a Vicente Pie, what ingredients would you put in it?
Spicy chorizo, a red wine jus and a whole lotta Spanish looks (@seagull32) // Flair, cool, Tabasco and excitement (Happypig) // Paella, oranges and sangria. Nice (Brian Riggs) // Beef, Piri Piri Sauce and Vicente's sweat (LorenzoBHAFC) // It would have whatever you wish for on the day, it's that good. He'll cook it himself, and present it to you before the game, on a plate of roses (Wowee) // An great big dollop of flair mixed with a seasoning of nonchalance (@markhiggs71) // FLAIR (@ImMrBrightside7) // His thunder spunk (T-bone da T-Rex) // If he is going to eat it, I would suggest lots of iron, protein and some aspirin (Paul Baron) // The King Pie - vegetables (Wiltshire Seagull) // Chicken, chorizo, olives and tomato. Now that isn't such a bad idea... (Ed Woodhouse) // Ferrero Rocher, as it fell down from the heavens, and we nicked his ingredients (Ali_rrr) // Gold. Frankincence. Myrrh (@bishthebash) // Paella and Sangria (Tory Boy).
The pie would actually be untouchable. Every time you tried to pick it up, it would somehow shimmy away to the opposite end of the box. Every time this happened it would take a bite out of itself. After five fruitless minutes of attempting to catch the pie, you would find that it had actually eaten itself (Monkey Man) // Dunno but it would be the best pie ever to grace the Albion (ColBol) // Vicente pie - 6 ozs of cotton wool, 6 ozs sugar and spice, 12 ozs of pure class surrounded by a perfect pastry made from the sweetest flair (gazwag) // Paella (weststander) // Any chance of a vincente sausage roll? (LS) // All the contents of the physio's kitbag plus pages from a human psychology textbook (Charlie from Birmingham) // High quality flair and poise. On display intermitently but only available for consumption at the end of the season (Tired Boy).
Prime-cut Spanish beef and a sprinkling of rainbows (brightonrock) // Chorizo, chicken, leek, onion and mushroom (@notguspoyet) // Some fine, fine Spanish chorizo and lots of paprika. It would be quite prone to falling apart, but when you're lucky enough to get one in proper condition, it would literally be the greatest moment of your life, eating it, due to the magic dust inside it that would grant you your every wish (itszamora) // Left foot, swivel hips and a golden crown (Jim D) // Scotch Bonnet pepper. Naga Viper pepper. Bhut Jolokia chili. The flesh, bones and dashed souls of the poor unfortunate defenders who tried to take him on. Bat. Unicorn milk. Dragon Blood. Tears from a mermaid. Anything else that is unbelievable and inhuman! (@zanderNewman) // A ray of Spanish sunshine, a dollop of brylcreem, a niggle, the hair of a phoenix for a hint of magic and a small piece of the great man himself. Also you wouldn't be able to find one for most of the season (Regency Gull) // Brylcreem and various fragments of knee bone (DK).
Chicken and beef marinaded in a San Miguel sauce for the amount of time between his matches (to be served only when he's on the team sheet), an edible layer of gold leaf and a piece of hair from the man himself (Xander/SeagullSongs) // Caviar, chalk, pebbles and kelp. What ever you put in it, with the name Vicente on it, it will be angelic (@dazpaine) // Veal(encia) and Ham(bition) (BlueWhiteStripes) // Have to be seafood/rice based. Kind of a PAELLA pie (Tony Meolas Loan Spell) // Tang and Gary Dicker (Mutley) // A minced up Glen Murray (watsongooal) // Apples, because one a day keeps the doctor away (middletoenail ) // Chorizo, A Bull, A red piece of material, A Spanish flag, The whole of Spain, A Dagger and Beniclap in there aswell for good measure (Dowling93) // Class, Nut megs, Flairrero Rochers, chorizo and the jizz everyone lost when he hit the bar v Derby (@brettmendoza) // Chocolate and other aphrodisiacs (Jam The Man) // Sangria, potato, veg and choritzo sausage (fatty john) // Two shattered kneecaps, one lock of his hair and an assist (Robbie Eyles) // It'd be the chicken and ham one only I'd add Magic mushrooms. Just to fuck with you like Vicente does (Drumstick).
Paella in pastry wrapped in cotton wool and only available for a third of the season, at three times the price of normal pies (Jon) // Beef, Spanish onions all in a hot sauce. Served in a box with the great mans picture on the front (Rickhebs) // Painkillers (Waino696969) // Chorizo and Paella and Castanet shards, perhaps some bull testicles (fresh) (JonathanLivingstonSeagull) // Hair gel, white tape, paella, a halo and a dagger stapled into the top of it! (@NickJ4797) // Sangria, ground up bull's horn and a pack of Elastoplast (WhingForPresident) // Flair, flair and the Premier League (Harry Hartley) // Finest rare steak and expensive red wine. To be cooked slowly; the aromas making you salivate whilst you wait for what could be and then when you finally see the final product come to fruition you realise it was well worth the wait (@elbowpatches) // A big helping of panache, with a dash of dagger sauce and large portion of Mediterranean flair (Tottonseagull) // A ticket to Disneyland (Marvellous Marv) // Lots of Garlic and Paprika! (Dawesy) // Liquid gold (@davidrbiggs) // Loads of sour grapes, call it the Humble Pie and force-feed it to all those numpties who doubted him (Falmer Flutter) // Since he is the Dagger it has to have a cutting edge so plenty of chilli, chorizo for his homeland and Spanish Fly for his god damn sexiness (Whitley Bayster) // Chorizo and Manchego (@benrawlings77) // It would be sugar and spice and all this nice in a lovely paella base (Bitter & Twisted) // George Osborne (Jem Stone) // Ambrosia (Ste) // I think that would be too rude for your publication! (JFC Phwoar!).
Thanks to all our surveyors - without you, these blog posts wouldn't have been made possible:
SF - Soul Finger // OB - Obi77BHA // S32 - @seagull32 // HP - Happypig // BR - Brian Riggs // SS - @shadyseagull // LO - LorenzoBHAFC // ML - @Matt_J_Lewis // WW - Wowee // MH - @markhiggs71 // BS - @ImMrBrightside7 // LC - @klinski1970 // NE - Ninja Elephant // TR - T-bone da T-Rex // SH - sharpey38 // PB - Paul Baron // WS - Wiltshire Seagull // EW - Ed Woodhouse // AR - Ali_rrr // JS - JohnnyS // BB - @bishthebash // TB - Tory Boy // MM - Monkey Man // CB - ColBol // TC - @Seagull81 // GW - gazwag // WS - weststander // MS - Maski // LS - levski seagull // CH - Charlie from Birmingham // TI - Tired Boy // BK - brightonrock // MA - Masky1 // NG - @notguspoyet // M3 - matt_32510 // IZ - itszamora // TO - Tim Over Whelmed // JD - Jim D // ZN - @zanderNewman // BH - Barry Hilton // TS - Tom Stewart // SI - @seagullsim // RG - Regency Gull // DK - @demonkarlos // XS - Xander/SeagullSongs // LW - Lawrence Wisdom // DP - @dazpaine // BW - BlueWhiteStripes // SM - simon h // TM - Tony Meolas Loan Spell // MU - Mutley // WG - watsongooal // KQ - Kumquat // MT - middletoenail // FW - Fan-with-no-name // DO - Dowling93 // BM - @brettmendoza // JM - Jam The Man // FJ - fatty john // CT - @tilzo15 // RE - Robbie Eyles // DS - Drumstick // JO - Jon // RH - Rickhebs // WA - Waino696969 // JLS - JonathanLivingstonSeagull // NJ - @NickJ4797 // WP - WhingForPresident // HH - Harry Hartley // BY - Billy // EP - @elbowpatches // RSW - Rosca Seagull on the Wing // SG - seagurn // MD - Midfield Diamond // TT - Tottonseagull // MA - Marvellous Marv // DY - Dawesy // DB - @davidrbiggs // FF - Falmer Flutter // CR - Carter // WB - Whitley Bayster // BO - Banjo // ST - Swiss Tony // BRS - @benrawlings77 // B&T - Bitter & Twisted // Boz - Boz // MMY - MissyMarshy // JSE - Jem Stone // MBH - MBH // Ste - Ste // JFC - JFC Phwoar! // PK - Parker
We can now happily confirm the season is over, and we're off on our holidays. And when we say holidays, we mean constantly refreshing BBC Football's transfer page until the pre-season tour of Spain. See you there...