THE COHAWK ROUND UP

We're a little worried about next season. Last season producing TSLR was tough - the previous two seasons had been easy to produce cynical copy about a poor side. Last year, there were no complaints but writing positive is undoubtedly harder. That's why we say things on Twitter like the north and south stands at Falmer do look a bit pony - that's the job of a fanzine, to criticise as much as possible. In the first two years of our slightly esteemed publication, there was comedy gold in the form of Sir Colin Hawkins. The own-goal scoring perennial injury victim Irish superstar filled plenty of column inches with ineptitude alone. Last year that tag was taken by the horse, Sir Fran Sandaza, but since his lack of renewed contract we're on the lookout for the next inept player. But with all this money around, there may not be one.

So, with the League of Ireland running through the summer and boredom levels around who we might buy at a premium, I thought I'd pen a little ditty to our favourite own goal scorer in our (viewed) Albion history. For those who haven't read the CoHawk update in TSLR029 (shame on you, copies still available), Hawkins joined Dundalk after his previous side, Sporting Fingal, folded in February before the LOI season began. We left you in April and here's how he has got on ever since.

The Hawk was awarded man of the match in the 1-1 draw between Dundalk and Sligo Rovers on Friday 15 April and the Extra Time website said: "very little got past him all through the game." We wondered of this was the same man who played so memorably for the stripes. Doubts were increased when Dundalk fired themselves into the Setantanta Cup Final on Monday 18 April. They beat Cliftonville 2-1 to earn the pleasure of a final but the Hawk was referenced in the Irish Times as failing to clear the danger ahead of the visiting side's only goal of the game. Now that's the Hawk we know.

But he didn't leave it there, CoHa was back come the 22 April when he scored (up the right end this time) in the win against Drogheda. Unfortunately, the Hawk was back to form in that same match, or so wrote the Examiner: "Mark Nolan's cross wasn't cut out by Colin Hawkins and Dinny Corcoran headed past Peter Cherrie."

Come 2 May and the draw with Shamrock Rovers, the Hawk didn't crown himself in glory claimed RTE Sport: "Rovers looked dangerous going forward and some anxious moments from Colin Hawkins and Michael Hector in the Lilywhites back four suggested they would find some joy." They lost the Setanta Cup Final against Shamrock Rovers and Hawkins only got back in the press after the 2-0 win against UCD when he claimed that Dundalk are searching for a European place. CoHa in Europe, now we've heard everything. He even found an Argus to sound off on to feel like he was at home.

The Hawk career was strengthened further by yet another goal in the home win against Derry City on 26 May: "Colin Hawkins was the home hero as his headed goal late in the first half proved to be the difference." Extra Time went on to state that the goal came when the Hawk had 'abandoned his defensive duties' which made us all feel like it is definitely THE Colin Hawkins. The Irish Times confirmed this: "A misjudgment by Colin Hawkins allowed Zayed another sniff of goal in the 27th minute."

Now the last time I heard Hawkins was on the YouTube video uploaded by We Are Brighton but for a more up to date version of his voice, try this little recording from 24 May. We were aware of the clip because we follow Dundalk on Twitter, and you can too.

Where does that leave our favourite Irish team? Well European ambitions are not quite there at the moment, being as they are five points and four places from the hallowed third spot. But with the season running until October, who knows what might happen.

So that's the Hawk fully updated with. Watch out on the blog for the Fran Sandaza diary written exclusively by the Horse himself later in the summer. In the meantime, why not follow the ridiculous rumour mill or actually enjoy your summer. Sir Colin of Hawkins, here at TSLR, we salute you.