THE REALITY OF DICK'S SHARES

Nothing like a bit of complex club ownership to get Albion fans knickers in a twist. "I don't understand what it is, but I know I don't like it!" shouted Malcolm from Mid-Sussex as he rained down online vitriol beneath another unconnected Argus non-story.

Not content with shrugging our shoulders, TSLR were quick on the phone to our own city bigwig for advice and after a few minutes of aggressive SELL, SELL, SELL! jibes we asked what the deal was with Uncle Dick's club ownership giveaway.

"Better giving your pound to a tramp" we were told in no uncertain terms. "They have a novelty value but little more else".  Not unlike our own fanzine we thought.

Our heads were melting at this point. The economy was of little interest to us Blairite babies at school, a career in the media beckoned. Leaning back in our chairs we enquired over the conference call to our pinstriped mate, what does he mean novelty value?

"All shares have a face, or nominal value, a bit like the value on a stamp" he told us, blowing out his cheeks as if explaining Nietzsche to the North Stand. "They have a market value, which is what an investor would be prepared to pay for them - The market value of these shares is in my opinion close to zero". 

As we swiftly put the TSLR cheque book back in the drawer our fat cat pal explained the reality. "The Albion have over 24 million shares in existence, of which well over 20 million are owned by Tony Bloom. So if you bought one, you would own 1 24milionth of the club".

But surely we're worth more that £24,000,000 quid? Yeah well, it's not that simple as we're quickly told. "The Albion are bust in all effect as Bloom subsidises the club from his back pocket. Tony has only bought the shares because he loves the Albion, as an investment".

So what does a share get you? Well, not a lot. In theory each shareholder gets an invite to the AGM, but we can't image CEO Of The Year Paul Barber allowing that. Replying to your email that simply featured a LOLcat yes, but the chance to grill our be-suited board? Unlikely.

Dick Knight has a way with the media, and this PR job has garnered national attention and plenty of chat about his newly released book. Barber, a big wig PR in his pre-football days, will no-doubt doff his hat at the Life President's campaign, while secretly ruing the admin fall-out that will come from this stunt.

"Knight is being a bit of a scamp selling them" our expert imparts, "if he gives the money to charity then that would be a great gesture".  We await the club press release.