TOM STEWART'S PLAY-OFF FLAIRWATCH

The Seagull-eyed amongst may have noticed TSLR's severe lack of professionalism in the play-off special we were flogging before that game we had last Monday. Of course, we've never pretended to be professional - this isn't our day job unfortunately - and that was echoed in the way that TSLR049X published Tom Stewart's two-month old Flairwatch article instead of the latest one. Unlike the sleeping Amex away changing room security guard, we're fessing up to our mistake, and you can read what you should of read in the Play-Off Special last week. Incidentally, we were planning on selling the few copies we have left at Wembley, but something shat on those plans...

Greeting followers. For years now I have been the self proclaimed king of flair, and I can tell you all now that I am writing this article on a ferry from Dunkirk to Dover on my girlfriend's phone, so I think my reputation is solidly intact.

Anyway, as if trying to steal the Falklands isn't enough, ever since January an Argentinian has been stealing my heart. I'm sure you've all been wondering where this seasons prestigious 'Federico Turienzo Flair Awards' have been. Well wonder no more as I am about to unleash them on your undeserving eyes whether you like it or not.

This years winner of the 'Christian Baz penalty taker' award goes to the one and only Basque icon David Lopez. This is a man that plays with the guile and grace of the most beautiful ballerina, whilst managing to successfully pull off the look of Gianfranco Zola's crack addict brother. His spot kicks, especially under pressure, have been superb.

The Nathan Jones flair goal is an absolute no brainier. How could I go against our third against palace?! A superb sweeping move topped off by a sublime finish. Bayern would be proud of a sweeping move like that.

Andrea Orlandi wins this seasons 'Johnny Dixon handsome devil award'. The spantalian has caused shock waves throughout Sussex's female contingent, with his vintage 90's boyband vibe. His high octane displays have helped keep him in the public eye.

The winner of the flair player of the year award goes to my favourite Argentinian. Leonardo Ulloa has everything. The tan, the body, the soul patch, the skills. He's definitely my favourite player of all time and one that I'm simply desperate to see each week.

This years winner of the Leon knight lifetime flairchievement award goes to Inigo Calderon. The matador was Gus Poyet's first signing and what an Impact he has made. He's feisty, he's temperamental, he's hairy, he looks like Javier Bardem's handsome brother. He helps our fellow Latino icons on and off the pitch and he's just an all round good egg.