HALLOWEEN NOSTALGIA FROM HAPPIER TIMES

The November 2010 issue of TSLR (034) was rather jolly - Albion were remarkably eight points clear at the top of Division 3 and the fanzine was shifting a few copies. Ever present contributor, Carter penned a column which he sent to us for that issue four years ago now. In this exclusive rib-tickling extract from that issue, Carter came up with his Albion themed Albion XI. Sit back, relax and enjoy this hilarious bit of nostalgia from happier times. Happy Halloween kids.

A recent sales meeting revealed to me that TSLR is thriving at the moment; well, I say 'sales meeting, but it was more a case of a certain co-editor bellowing 'we've almost run out' across London Road as I queued for the bus after the Yeovil game

 

But it's not merely rising attendances and scintillating form that are feeding interest in this fanzine. I firmly believe it's the ever-increasing quality of writing, up-to-the minute reporting and gripping genre-defining exposés...and here's my Halloween themed Albion XI:

 

Ironically, as I embark on this piece of belated spooky nonsense, there is nothing at all horrific about the Albion's form at the moment. In fact, with no gay puns intended, the team are seemingly putting the willies up all challengers lately. But are they as frightening as this following bunch of Withdean occult heroes?

An easy choice between the sticks is Casper Ankergren. Albion's number 16, is named after a cartoon ghost. Too busy being a decent 'keeper means Casper has no time to cut eye-holes in duvet covers and attend fancy dress parties, thus keeping plenty of clean sheets.

 

Casper is protected by a back three, starting with Joel Lynch, an 18th century hangman, who's apparition is sometimes seen in Nottingham Forest. Keith Mc'Fear'son is also included just for pun reasons. These two are joined by Colin Hawkins - for four minutes at least - who could be included or a number of reasons. His name being an anagram of 'Ha! I skin clown' , which is reminiscent of a circus based serial killer, will do for now.

 

The flesh-eating duo of 'Helliott' Bennett and Charlie Oatway start in midfield. Whilst Charlie is busy biting the ears of Chesterfield players, Bennett prefers to attack the opposition down the right flank. Steve Melton makes the team owing to featuring in the Wizard of Oz; as the Witch of the West is heard to say after Dorothy throws water at her: 'I'm Melton!...Melton!'. I heard an old chap in the North Stand recently comment that he had left his trannie at home. As such, I'll have Darren 'Tim' Currie vamping up the midfield dressed as Frank-N-Furter. Anything I can do to help.

Of course, Currie is currently at the hotbed of paranormal activity, Dagenham, alongside Bas Savage, the first in a horrific forward line. Savage could describe the level of gore and violence in one of my favourite horror films, Saw. In celebration of this, I've also given the nod up-front to Nicky Forster To Retrieve A Key Out Of Her Unconscious Room Mate's Stomach Before The Timer On The Bear Trap Clamped on Her Head Runs Out. This creepy, and altogether tenuously linked, team is completed by ex-loan signing Daniel Webb, merely for the spider connotation. Although it is rather chilling that Webb is one of what can only be a small list of those to have played for the Albion and played in the Champions League - he appeared in a qualifying round match for Maltese side, Marsaxlokk - this sounds like a testicular related complaint rather than a football club. Rather appropriately, considering the whole spider bit, Webb is now plying his footballing trade in Bath.

 

Okay, none of this is very scary or relevant, but maybe the pre-match performance by Gully's Ghouls will be better? Anyway, I've got to go as I'm alone babysitting and the phone is ringing.

Don't have Dick Knight-mares.